Holy Emotions Read online

  Babe, I am confused

  I don't know which way to go,

  If your heart is so complicated.

  I always tell you I love you, care for you

  Maybe I don’t show,

  Maybe you don’t know.

  You tell me to love another,

  And that you’re leaving;

  And this is your decision

  And there’s nothing I can do.

  Have it your way, Babe

  For there’s nothing I can do:

  If you want to go alone,

  And you love it away from me,

  My love will still remain

  ‘Coz even though your love is complicated

  I have learnt how to love a complicated heart

  Here wit’ me you have a home.

  She Left

  The more I think of her

  It’s the more I want her

  Yet I can’t get

  What she said outta my mind,

  That she’s taking leave

  And she wants to depart

  Take some time alone;

  I let go, let go of her.

  I pray this is a dream,

  Of course it’s a dream

  And I know I’ll wake up

  From this sleep, stop dreaming

  When I see no more of her.

  True Love

  Time was passing away

  Desire consuming me by the day,

  Yearning for warmth

  Longing for love to come along;

  Longing for love to come along

  where could I have gotten this love?

  Who could’ve given me this love?

  Who else except you, my love—

  You gave my life a brand new beginning, a meaning.

  You gave my life a brand new beginning, a meaning

  Love is no longer the bubble-gum myth

  existing only in movies and novels

  ‘Cause it happened to me

  True love I mean.

  True love I mean

  I gave my heart to you

  That day of our meeting, and

  You gave me your heart

  That day for cherishing

  For it happened to us

  Love I mean, the true one

  When I found you my love.

  Deceptions

  I try not to remember

  Yet I watch the smouldering embers

  Of what used to be the fire

  Of my desire for you

  And I guess I’ll never be fooled again;

  Every little thing I ever did

  It was because of love

  The love I believed was from above

  The love that made me believe in love.

  Wit’ the clouds I kissed the heavens

  Wit’ the fog I hugged the oceans

  only to realize too late I was part of the story,

  the treacherous story of your deception.

  Everything I did was for love

  and now I know it’s over

  I’ll never be fooled again.

  Babe, you should’ve told me

  When you’re taken

  When you didn’t need me there

  Now the pain is so excruciating

  Hating the memories;

  You lied and called me babe

  I should’ve known I wasn’t part of you

  And now that it’s over

  I’ll never be fooled again.

  To Love Again

  I’m standing in the front yard

  watching distant road

  wishing I could see you from a distance

  Drive through the gate, and

  Walk up the front steps

  and hug me the way you used to.

  I’m sitting at the balcony

  Wishing you were by my side

  To watch the sunset together,

  Hoping to see but just your ghost

  To tell me that you’d be coming back

  I want you to come back

  I’m the one who wants to love you again.

  I’m the one who wants to love you again

  This lonely loneliness barters to maim,

  I can’t watch a thousand sunsets alone

  Or with someone else

  My eyes will dry up forever.

  Since you walked out the door

  I haven’t been able to help the pain

  I just realized I threw it all

  Nothing can stop this emotion

  Come, I want to love you again.

  Come, I want to love you again

  From distrust I shall refrain

  I know what I have to gain

  Nothing more I can’t contain

  Nothing more I can’t obtain

  Come for love so plain

  The love you once craved

  This love can’t be graved.

  This love can’t be graved

  Come, touch me once again

  Crawl back to the darkest recesses of my heart

  In there light that lamp

  Never to be doused

  Sorry, I’m the one to blame.

  I’m so rich of very many things but shame

  I would not stop till that moment you come

  back to the arms you love

  to the arms where you belong

  Come, I want you to love me again.

  Never Ever

  Never ever had I an illusion than that of love

  Never ever had I a feeling than that of love

  Never ever had I been worried than for love

  Never ever had I lied than ‘cause of love

  Never ever had I been an al desko than for love

  Never ever had I cried than because of love

  Never ever had I been stupid than when in love

  Never ever had I been a recessionista than for love

  Never ever had I been an infomania than for love.

  Never ever had I wined than when I was in love

  Never ever had I wanted to forget than how to love

  Never ever had I been heartbroken than by love

  Never ever had I vowed than never ever to love.

  Missing You

  You said that in a few days

  I would barely remember your name

  It’s now over five years since then

  And I can’t get over wit’ it.

  Every time I want to pick up the phone

  and talk to you till the sun comes up

  tell you how I miss you

  I’m missing you so...

  Before my eyes

  you fade away like smoke wisps.

  Since you said it’s over between us

  Time has been measured in bitter chapters

  In the night I hear the whistles and laughter

  Of your voice as when we opened the chapter

  Of that book we were to write

  Our happily thereafter;

  I miss you so.

  Babe, what happened to the vow you made

  to be there in the turf for the long haul?

  You know I want to be there to huddle and cuddle

  I want to come but time gets away from me

  Perhaps I should quit this job,

  But I can’t just do it my love

  That’s what I am

  I miss you so.

  Hope

  Babe,

  The passion

  The affection

  The liaison

  The situation

  Of our union

  Surely babe

  This drives me crazy;

  I revere, and dream

  Hope all along

  You are mine.

  The Sonnet

  In mine heart is love I do cherish

  The kind of love never meant to perish;

  The kind of love that will never be graved

  In mine heart it shall thrive;

  Never before had I had such grace

  Until you came along pretty G
race;

  Since that day, Love, it has been you

  As I walk daily to cross the stream

  To be with you twenty-four seven

  Everything in my life has evened out;

  I want to tell you the story of my life

  And dance wit’ you to the tunes of love;

  Find repose in your bosom and you in my arms

  And forever thrive in the charm.

  (14th June, 2009)

  The Crime

  What more a crime

  than the love you killed?

  What more a delusion

  than the illusion of love?

  The love I had for you

  and so bloodily killed.

  Cold Love

  It’s years since I met you.

  I began by counting days

  then months, now it’s years

  I care of nothing anymore

  Except hoping against hope

  One day you’ll come back to me.

  Since the very first day I saw you

  Life has been a fight

  to change you beyond all reckoning

  and make you see I really do love you.

  I think of the transient moments between us

  Reminisce of the stolen times

  Moments restricted only to the phone

  And wish I could repair them,

  Wish I said the right things.

  I hate my delusional heart

  the things I said

  when I came with my naive heart

  to you, my favourite winter love;

  What’s gonna thaw that ice

  Packed around thy heart

  If my love won’t?

  Holy Emotions

  I was afraid and guilty of sin

  I was corrupting an innocent mind

  that day I met you.

  That day I met you

  my heart leapt with divine joy

  that a soul as gentle as you was created

  for I was to escape

  from the stinging slum of hypocrites.

  If it were enough to sit without words

  what do you think I wouldn’t have told you?

  How I wished you would just go away

  Never to come back again!

  I should’ve listened to your plea then

  I should have known right from the start

  mine were just holy emotions.

  Since that day

  I just feel,

  I count on the words we shared

  Deep down they burn like fire

  Knowing that I love you

  Yet you can’t

  I ought not to feel that way

  Men of the cloth don’t

  Theirs are holy emotions.

  War of Love

  I am a fighter but I don’t fight

  I’m besieged,

  I wasn’t prepared for this war

  Yet I realise I must fight

  Be in the battlefield

  And risk losing

  Than those who lurk behind.

  When you were about to lose

  I thought I was about to win

  But yours was deception;

  You ensnared me

  And I lost the war,

  Yet I’m in the battlefield

  Won by those who lurked behind.

  Now I find myself alone

  At the end of my wits

  I can’t fight any more

  I’ve lost the war

  Yet I’m in the battlefield

  Won by those who lurked behind;

  You’ve shattered my will to fight

  Lost you to another lover

  Lost this war of love

  But I promised;

  Now I wait as I promised

  Yet I know I lost the war a long time ago.

  Lost in Love

  I used to think

  I was in love

  But now I know

  Love never came my way

  It’s one big illusion.

  I’m not in love

  Yet I want to fly like a dove

  I feel I am in love

  Yet I know I’m not in love

  Only to realize I do love

  There’s no need to run from love.

  I thought I had met her

  the only girl I ever knew

  but now I know

  Girls never ever came my way

  It’s an illusion

  I was lost in love

  But can’t run from love.

  The Quest

  Seven years now since then

  I have lived in pain

  Seven years before you walked out

  I couldn’t believe you would

  Seven years I have tried my best

  To make this work

  Seven years of loneliness

  I couldn’t stay without you

  Seven years in a quest

  To look for one like you

  Seven years I’ve found none

  Getting those who can’t afford to be seen.

  Seven years later I’m back

  this my humble request

  please, bury the past.

  My last thread of hope: I put my faith in you

  If you’re fighting with yourself, stop fighting

  I must accept maybe you’ll not return

  But I want to end this quest

  Maybe I should learn how to live on my own

  But with love that I’ve kept for you

  It’s true from my fruitless quest

  You are one in a million.

  Crazy About You

  Just a touch and there’s no way back

  Can hardly believe it

  I could feel this way

  For anyone;

  Just a kiss and there’s no way back

  There’s a feeling inside me

  Making me go crazy.

  This feeling is real

  When I lie on your bosom

  I feel more than at home;

  You open up my heart

  To love you more and more

  It’s all I want to do.

  Every time you touch me I melt away

  Oh babe, can hardly believe it yeah

  I could feel this way for a lifetime

  Every time you touch me

  It’s all I want to do

  Every time you kiss me

  I feel melting away

  Burning my heart

  Going crazy about you.

  (For Liebichen)

  First Kiss

  With no hope of reaching you I write to you

  I hope you will hear my silent voice,

  I want to break that ice packed around your heart;

  I am a victim of overwhelming nostalgia,

  I want to go back to that day, my dear

  That day all hell broke loose;

  Apologize for whatever happened

  ‘Coz of my desire for the desire of my lips

  The longing and desire for that first kiss

  That kiss so brusque yet lasts forever,

  That kiss I madly craved for but never got

  That kiss that made you walk out the door.

  How was I to know, you never told me?

  Every day I had been waiting, longing

  every day I had desired, yearning

  Languishing to taste the lips of my desire

  if you could see my inside that day...

  If I had any goodness I lost it that day

  I desired the first kiss, the kiss I never got.

  Lonely

  Sitting up in my room

  Wondering what’s gonna become of me

  Bobby Womack’s on the radio

  Singing to me

  “If you think you’re lonely now”

  I think of “We Belong Together”

  Wait a minute this is different

  Akon picks up saying...

  “Can’t believe I had a girl like you

  And I just let you
walk out of ma’ life…”

  I must say it, babe

  I’ve never been so lonely in my life;

  Everything I look at

  everything I touch

  the air around

  where you used to do your hair

  Reminds me of what used to be

  The emptiness of everything

  Reminds me of how lonely I am

  Tells me that I threw it all

  And that’s why I am lonely.

  Sitting up in my room

  Hoping against all hope

  That I’m not lonely but alone

  Yet I know it’s not true;

  What then? I threw it all

  and there’s nothing I can do.

  I know you said it’s over

  All I want you to know is

  you truly loved me babe

  and I just let you walk out

  I’m so lonely...

  In Love

  It just happens

  Once in a lifetime, or so they say,

  That feeling we all desire

  When the scent of romance smells

  And the glory of beauty on you shines

  Something as intense and joyous

  Yet sorrowful as love is aroused

  It seems proof like no other

  That nothing exists but the joy of love

  You are not living but are alive

  You become a singer of rhythm of love

  You believe you fly with wings of a dove

  That’s when you know you are not in love

  But you’re in love, and you love it.

  Crime of Love

  A mastermind you are my love

  the most wanted for crime of love;

  You robbed me of my heart

  And so far away you ran my love.

  Efforts so futile are mine

  to take you down

  I keep on missing you

  despite my marksmanship…

  I miss and love you, my love.

  As long as the world goes round

  I long to live not to be astound

  to find you no longer lust for my love to gorge

  my love for you is as hot as blacksmith’s forge.

  I Love You

  In a strange world full of strangers;

  Love couldn’t be found from any other

  Oh darlin’

  Verily from the deepest of my heart

  Entrenched like no other

  You’ve to hear it all, I Love You

  Oh thou who’s sent from above

  Unscathed shall it in me live this love.

  I Watched Her Leave

  I listened to her recede from our love nest.

  When she’d given me the Miss Dump treatment

  A heart’s fruit of a holy love rejected

  That love I have always had it dejected

  Christ, my soul has never been so dark

  Heartbroken, into the silver love sea sun sank

  Everything within me came to a standstill

  Death of a love I’d thought it never will.

  Hours later her silent voice in me echoed

  Ethereal reality of it overwhelmed mine heart

  Realms of once sweet life seemed so cruel.

  Like an artillery salvo she had startled me

  Especially by her cold silence

  And then I watched her figure shimmer away;

  Vexed since I’d done nothing wrong

  Everything now has turned to mere nonentity.

  At Last We Met

  Past to me was that fateful day

  when I watched her walk away

  and could do nothing to make her stay

  not that I did not do my best

  to make her come back